2 min read

Reflecting on a hard 2023


👋 2023!!

♬ 오리지널 사운드 - minlee 민리

I spent half of 2023 puking my guts out. I found out I was pregnant in October 2022, and along with it came the usual first trimester nausea. Unfortunately for me, the nausea never went away. I was sick the entire pregnancy. And not just a small little tummy ache here and there. I threw up several times a day, almost every day. Well over 200 hundred times. As soon as I woke up, during Zoom calls (got good at sneakily turning the camera off and sprinting to the bathroom), before eating, after eating. It was just relentless.

It's hard to really describe the kind of mental state this puts you in. Feeling so ill while the rest of the world just carries on as usual around you – you sort of lose yourself to it after a while.

And normally when you have a stomach bug, you just take the day off and rest. I couldn't do that. I had a department to lead at work and a toddler to care for at home – the show had to go on.

Why am I sharing this? Well, it made 2023 really freaking hard. I spent half of the year in survival mode, putting literally all the willpower I had into just getting up and forcing myself to make it through the day. Constantly fighting back tears during meetings because I was so sick of being sick. I had no goals besides just getting through the pregnancy.

Life on the other side

I welcomed Rosalie into the world mid-June and immediately felt 10000x better. Postpartum was a breeze. Labor and delivery barely hurt. It was like my mind and body were just so relieved to not be sick anymore that the actual childbirth part was a cake walk.

My job gave me very generous maternity leave, so I was able to spend the next few months relaxing with my family. Hiking literally every day, foraging for mushrooms, camping, stargazing, going on rides through every area of the surrounding forests. It was bliss.

Speaking of work, they were incredible throughout all of this. I never really shared the full extent of how I was feeling - mentally and physically just shot. Whenever I did mention it being a rough day, my boss always told me to just close my laptop and go rest lol. Me feeling like I had to power through was definitely a me problem, but not an easy one to just push away.

I went back into work feeling recharged for the last 3 months of 2023. I feel fantastic now and have been very excited to set some goals for 2024.

Where do I want to be by this time next year?

I've seen a lot of chatter on the internet the last couple years about hating resolutions and goal setting. In lieu of setting hard goals, many people prefer setting intentions or defining a theme. I actually love this.

Unfortunately, that shit does not work for me lol. I need something concrete and measurable to work toward. An easy way to determine if I'm on track. Type AYYY amirite?

Overall, these goals are meant to deliver the final outcome I'd like as I reflect back in 2024 a year from now.

In a year, I want to:

  • Feel much more comfortable and confident public speaking
  • Feel more energized and athletic
  • Have had several date nights with my husband
  • Like I'm not constantly pouring from an empty cup
  • And confident in where we want to lay roots.

I have some tangible defined actions that I have come up with to achieve this state, which I will cover in the next post.